Its been a long long time since I have even glanced at this blog of mine. It appears the time of blogging for me and other has become quieter. It appears as I have suspected someone has indeed found my blog. However, I doubt their presence is as strong as they first found it.
Life in general has been good but stressful. School, work, volunteer, eat, and sleep. I socialize every now and then and life has been good with Stacy and Bret. I even finally got my first kiss. Even though it was pretty much stolen from me and I wanted to white the dudes tongue off and slap him because he kinda to frisky for me, especially for only knowing him for an hour or so. So it has placated a lot of my yearning for some sort of affection for now even though my desire for this cursed virginity to be gone still lingers. Honestly, I wouldn't mind giving it up but I just have one condition. I actually know/like the guy and trust him. Even if there is no love from his side there are many a night I wouldn't care if it was taken. Talking about virginity reminds me of Amanda. Its so ironic our situations. She gave it up even after defending it for so many years and making it her one virtue. All the while I am almost willing to give it to the next eager beaver but get so few offers from anyone I see as an option. Sure, I think Ford the first kiss man would have willingly took care of things for me but I have a fear/hesitation with this and I could never do that on the first night of meeting someone. I need someone who will pretty much reel me and just go for it and not give me time to think because if I do then I'll stop myself outta fear of not being good enough. Now I am just off to rambling. Sigh I just want this dillema to be gone so I can move on and stop feel like I am a teenager at all this
Well I guess that is all I have to say for now, so enjoy the lyrics currently running through my head.
Strip away the flesh and bone
Look beyond the lies you've known
Everybody wants to talk about a freak
No one wants to dig that deep
Let me take you underneath
Baby, better watch your step
Never mind what's on the left
You're gonna see things you might not wanna see
It's still not that easy for me underneath
A red river of screams
Underneath
Tears in my eyes
Underneath
Stars in my black and blue sky
And underneath
Under my skin
Underneath, the depths of my sin
Look at me
Now do you see?
Welcome to my world of truth
I don't wanna hide any part of me from you
I'm standing here with no apologies
Such a beautiful release
You inside of me
A red river of screams
Underneath
Tears in my eyes
Underneath
Stars in my black and blue sky
And underneath
Under my skin
Underneath, the depths of my sin
Look at me
Now do you see?
Underneath, underneath, underneath...
Underneath, Underneath
Welcome to my world of truth
A red river of screams
Underneath
Tears in my eyes
Underneath
Stars in my black and blue sky
And underneath
Under my skin
Underneath, the depths of my sin
Look at me
Now do you see?
Underneath, underneath, underneath
Look at me
Do you see?
Yeah yeah yeah yeah!
Look at me
Do you see?
Welcome to my world of truth
I don't wanna hide any part of me from you
